The first five years of a child’s life is the most critical period, where his progress is measured by the achievement of physical and developmental milestones. Although children generally develop and grow at their own pace, it is very important to watch out for any potential delays in development during this period. Parents should closely monitor the cognitive, motor, social and language skills of a child in order to prepare the child for the next stage of childhood. Careful monitoring could help parents detect a problem that may require medical attention.

What is a developmental milestone?

Developmental milestones describe the process that children go through in skills development at certain ages in life. Rolling over, crawling, walking, and talking are considered important milestones that a child should achieve by a specific age. Hearing, vision, manual dexterity, social behavior and play are also skills that children should achieve as part of the growing process.

Development delays occur when a child fails to reach these milestones by the expected time. For example, the estimated time for learning to walk is between 9 to 15 months, but if a 22-month-old child has still not started walking, this is considered a developmental delay.

Tracking progress

Childhood milestones go through five main areas of development: physical development (fine and gross motor skills), social skills, language/communication, self care skills, and cognitive skills. Below are a few examples of developmental skills that are normally achieved by a child within the predicted time-frame:

Overcoming a developmental delay

Some children may be slower in reaching some of the developmental milestones. Hence, parents should not be overly worried as some children take their own time to grow. However, if the delay is for a few months from the estimated time-frame, consult your child’s paediatrician or a trained specialist to find out if he has any medical or developmental problems. Take all the necessary steps in order to help your child enter the next stage of childhood.

Dyslexia is a reading disorder, the most common type of learning disability in children. It is not due to a vision problem or lack of early education, but is believed to be a brain-based abnormality affecting a person’s ability to read. A child has a higher risk of dyslexia if someone in the family has this condition.

A dyslexic child may appear average or bright when talking, but has difficulty when it comes to reading and writing. This often causes the child to struggle with his studies, leading to poor grades in school. Over time, the child may feel “stupid”, frustrated, have low selfconfidence, or develop other emotional problems.

If not treated early, dyslexia may prevent a child from achieving his full potential, academically or socially. But don’t misunderstand dyslexic children as “dumb”. On the contrary, they often exhibit strong talents in other areas, such as music, sports and art.

The Telltale Signs

Dyslexia is a lifetime condition. However, it need not be a source of your child’s frustration or a barrier to his success. With early intervention, a dyslexic child can learn to overcome his inability and to achieve in school and in life. Therefore, know the common signs to help detect dyslexia early in the child.

Common Signs of Dyslexia

Talk to your doctor if:

• Your family has a history of dyslexia.
• Your child’s reading ability falls below the level expected for his or her age.
• You notice the abovementioned signs of learning difficulties.

The doctor will refer you to a psychologist or other specialists to perform a formal assessment on the child to confirm dyslexia.

Help for Dyslexia

Once dyslexia is diagnosed, the doctor or psychologist will recommend a remedial education programme for the child. The remedial education programme is specially designed for dyslexic individuals. The programme involves specially-trained teachers or reading specialists to teach specific techniques and strategies that help dyslexics to learn to read, write, spell and understand language better. A dyslexic child would be able to learn like the rest of his classmates when he applies these techniques and strategies.

Parents’ support and encouragement can make a significant difference to a dyslexic child’s learning process. Parents can help to reinforce his learning by reading to him often, and also giving him time to read alone or together. Most importantly, make reading fun by choosing reading materials that interest him. It is also equally important to encourage the child to participate in activities he does well, such as painting, music, drama or sports. This will help to build his confidence.

Learn by Playing

Learning to read may be more effective and interesting when it involves playing. Try these games:

• Eat the words. Introduce new words to the child using alphabet biscuits. He gets to eat them when he pronounces the words correctly.
• Hide-and-seek. Write words cut out from paper and hide them around the room. When the child finds a word, have him read out the word. This helps him to remember words.
• Treasure hunt. Hide an object (eg child’s favourite toy) and make several written short notes to guide him to where the object is hidden (eg go to the kitchen, look under the table, look inside the drawers). This helps him in reading and following instructions.

Bedwetting, also known as nocturnal enuresis, is a very common complaint among parents and can raise serious concerns for both children and parents. It occurs when your child’s brain fails to send a signal to his bladder to hold the urine while sleeping. For children, the embarrassment and guilt can damage their self-esteem while parents may worry endlessly about their child’s development. However, just like walking and talking, children will reach each developmental milestone at their own pace.

Bedwetting Facts

• It is not a behavioural problem. Children do not wet their beds because they are too lazy or scared to go to the bathroom.
• Bedwetting is genetic. If both you and your spouse have a history of bedwetting as children, your child might be about 70% more likely to suffer from the same problem.
• Emotional link. Stressful events for children such as moving, welcoming a new sibling and starting school may also trigger a period of bedwetting after months or years of achieving bladder control.
• Many more boys than girls wet their beds.
• It will stop. Most children will be able to control their bladders throughout the night by puberty.

Coping with Bedwetting

Your child will eventually grow out of bedwetting, but until then, here are a few methods that might ease the experience and prepare your child for the next stage:

1. Empathise with him.
   Steer away from punishing or criticising your child. Instead, let him know that other people (including yourself ) had experienced it as well when they were younger. Your child will be comforted by the fact that there are other people who have struggled and dealt with it successfully.
   
   
2. Regulate drinks at night.
   While it may not be able to completely prevent the occurrence of bedwetting, cutting back on caffeinated drinks (ie chocolates, carbonated drinks) and water about 2 hours before bedtime can be helpful. This is because caffeine increases the rate of urine production.
   
   
3. Regular routines.
   This includes using the bathroom before getting into bed and setting a standard time for them to get into bed. When your child sticks to a schedule, you are indirectly training his bladder to be emptied at appropriate times.
   
   
4. Be prepared.
   Protect the bed by using a waterproof mattress or lining the mattress with a waterproof sheet. Place a clean pair of pyjamas and bedsheets nearby so that both you and your child can quickly change and go back to sleep if he wets his bed.
   
   
5. Celebrate dry nights.
   Praise your child and give him an encouragement or two when he has a dry night. This will make him feel good and confident to continue his dry-run. However, be careful not to overdo the celebrations.
   
   

As Parents, What Role do You Play?

A learning disability is a lifelong challenge that cannot be cured, but the individual eventually learns to adapt to their disability. Besides early intervention, how parents approach this situation may also be vital to success in managing their child’s learning disability. Read on to see how parents can make all the difference.

• 1 Get an expert opinion.
  Once your child’s diagnosis has been confirmed, talk to your clinician to find the most suitable intervention programme. Be informed on new developments, intervention programmes and techniques that may benefit your child. Your knowledge will enable you to work effectively with your child’s therapist, tutor or school to guarantee the best outcome for your child.
• 2 Encourage healthy emotional habits.
  Children with learning disabilities often feel powerless, inadequate and frustrated. Provide a positive medium for them to express themselves. Listen to them when they talk and provide them with the social support they need.
• 3 Promote self-esteem.
  Enhance your child’s self-esteem by focusing on the positives. Work with them to develop their strengths and passions as it may help them feel confident about what they can do.
• 4 Stay optimistic.
  Do not feel discouraged by your child’s condition as it distracts you from providing your child with the best care possible. Additionally, children tend to follow their parents’ lead and learn to embrace all the challenges with a positive outlook.

Parents should not be disheartened over the fact that their child has a learning disability. Though their child may struggle in one area of learning, this should not be generalised as they may excel in other skills or areas. Always remember that life success is more important than school success.

You can help your child achieve well-rounded development by first realising that it isn’t just about getting good grades. There is just so much more for him to learn and enjoy in the process.

Here are five tips on how you can shape your child into a wellrounded individual:

1. Song and Dance
Research has shown that this is a great way for children to learn. Engage your child in song, dance and even play acting. Hold a mini concert for the entire family once a month where each individual can hold his/her own performance.

2. Show and Tell
Encourage learning by being pro-active in your child’s learning. Encourage him to find things out by asking questions. Be patient and listen closely when he tells you the things he has learnt as well.

3. Share What You Know
Studies have shown that parents are the primary people who shape children’s personalities and attitudes during the first five years of their lives. So, be good to your child and teach him as many things as you possibly can. It can be by reading him a book or letting him help out in the kitchen.

4. Caring and Sharing
Instil good values in your child by teaching him all about caring and sharing. A good suggestion is to buy a family pet – whether it is a hamster, guinea pig or a rabbit – and showing your child how to care for it. Also, encourage sharing of toys and books with siblings, cousins and friends.

5. Spiritual Belief
Spiritual development is important. It encourages them to behave with integrity and kindness. Spiritual development helps in growing the inner self of the child.

School Day Begins Tonight
Getting your child ready for preschool means getting him to bed early!

By Ms Woo Pei Jun, Developmental Psychologist

One Year and Counting!

By Dr Yong Junina Fadzil, Consultant Paediatrician

Spend more time with your child and help her develop healthily

Congratulations! Your child has just turned one. Looking at her now, it would be difficult to imagine that just twelve months earlier she was a helpless baby who did nothing more than drink milk and sleep.

At one year, your child is now standing up holding on to an object for support and taking a few steps while placing a hand on a wall or furniture. This is known as cruising. Some children would already be able to walk without support, much to the joy of their parents. However, parents whose children are not walking yet, rest assured: it is normal for a child not to walk until the age of 18 months. However, do mention it to your paediatrician when you take your child for her immunisation so that she can be examined.

Fine motor

In terms of fine motor development, her hands are now more dexterous, and she is able to control the use of her fingers, thus enabling her to pick up small objects such as raisins, ants, small buttons, etc. Things still end up in her mouth and horrified mothers have been known to find beetles in their little ones’ mouths! On a more cautious note, this means that they are able to choke on small objects such as buttons, soft toys’ eyes and erasers, so it is important that these be kept out of their way. Soft toys should not have sew-on eyes as the little one may bite them off and accidentally swallow them, causing her to choke.

She is also now able to hold pencils and crayons in the palm of her hand and scribble indiscriminately. By fifteen months she is able to hold the pencil between her thumb and index finger and her scribbling then becomes finer.

Talk, talk, talk

Speech has progressed beyond babbling to a few single words such as “mama”, “ papa” and “nak”, interspersed with lots of unintelligible words, spoken with passion and differing intonation. This is known as jargon speech . She is able to understand more words, notably “no”, “come”, “nak”, and other words often used by her parents when speaking to her. She can often point to a few body parts by the time she is 15 months. She maintains good eye contact during communication and is a keen student, picking up your hand and body movements. Children who do not have good eye contact or who are not speaking at this stage need to be assessed by a paediatrician.

As a one-year-old, your child continues to be wary of strangers. A meeting with someone she is not familiar with will see her clinging to her parents, and she will rarely approach or respond to strangers. This is normal behaviour, and while we would like to expose our children to the Eastern values of salam and greetings, it should not be forced onto her. If your child does not wish to greet or salam someone, let it pass and try again another day. Forcing the issue will only lead to tantrums and more clingy behaviour.

Ways of Enhancing Your Child’s Development

Today, parents are swamped with advertisements of products claiming to enhance their child’s capabilities. However, nothing beats a parent’s attention. Your child looks to you as a parent for guidance. Her development progresses as a result of love, attention and encouragement from her family. Speech for example is dependent upon interaction between the child and her caregivers. Therefore, do not feel guilty if your child does not possess all the toys labelled as ‘educational’. You are her best toy and educational tool.

A child begins to ‘speak’ from the age of about two months. At this stage, his words consist of vowels, such as “ ooo”, “aaa” and “eeee”. During this stage, he learns to move his lips to produce the
sounds and gradually becomes aware of the power of communication. This leads to an increase in pitch when his needs are not met or when he is feeling ignored. In addition to cooing, a baby also learns to smile and chuckle responsively when spoken to.

By the age of 6 months, cooing gives way to babbling where sounds are produced by pairing vowels with consonants and making sounds such as “ ba”, “da” , and “ ta”. This requires the ability to use the lips and tongue to produce the sounds. The first few tentative babbles soon give way to longer babbling, incorporating more than one sound. By the age of 8-9 months, his sentences are more musical with variations in pitch and volume. He is now aware of his ability to command attention and his musical babbles often fill the air, leaving you to wonder what it was like before such a cacophony of sounds entered your life. He is also responsive and often listens attentively when spoken to, responding joyfully in return.

However, beware the baby who is ignored; his babbles will become increasingly louder and angrier, leaving you in no doubt that you are being scolded.

The ability to pair his babbles will result in words such as “ ma-ma” and “da-da”. However, in the beginning these are not specific to his parents but are used to address anything or anyone, including the pet dog! Don’t get disheartened, though; by the age of one year most babies will be able to limit the use of “ma-ma” and “da-da “ to parents.

By the age of 14-15 months he is able to say a few meaningful words. This does not limit him to those few words, though. Most often, the lively chatter consists of sounds which, although delightful to hear, contain no meaning. This is termed jargon speech. This will be expanded to short sentences by the time he is 20-22 months old.

Throughout this process, learning continues through listening, so parents beware. Those little slip-ups while driving may be repeated at the dinner table, particularly when grandparents are over for a visit. Raised eyebrows and sharp questioning about where they learned such language will often be met with a sweet smile and the much dreaded answer, “Mummy/Daddy said it to the driver of the other car”.

Milestones in Speech

• What is your child’s favourite cartoon character/colour/food/ pastime?
  
• What things does he/she like/ dislike?
  
• When is she at her best/worst mood or behaviour?
  
• What are her strengths/ weaknesses?
  
• Who does she relate to best?
  
• How can you tell if she is happy/sad?

How have you fared? If you missed most of the questions, then you have to do something, and fast. Getting to know your child better is an important step in ensuring that you bring out the best in them.

GREAT EXPECTATIONS

What are your expectations of your child? In fact, lets put up your expectations with that of your child’s, and compare the two. List 5 things you want from your child.

Then, ask your child: “If I am a magician who can grant you 3 wishes, what are your wishes?” List down the wishes.

Compare the list, and you’ll see that it’s a whole different world for children. They’re innocents venturing out to a new environment outside the home, and they therefore react and expect different things from this world.

The key to understanding this difference is understanding the needs of a child, in its entirety. Obviously, fulfilling physical needs is crucial to a child’s growth and development. Issues such as nutrition, shelter and protection are something most parents don’t even have to think about because it is the most basic prerequisite for bringing up a child.

However, in addition to fulfilling the physical needs of their children, parents are advised to do their best in meeting their emotional, cognitive and spiritual needs as well. These can help anchor children to a belief system that will complement the physical aspects of growth, and lead to a more secure attachment with parents. Children will have less difficulty in forming relationships with others and communicating their emotions.

POSITIVE PARENTING

Does all this mean that we have to be the perfect parent to our children? The reality is sobering.

Even if we give up our jobs to be full time parents, there’s little chance that we can be the perfect parent. All we can strive for is balanced parenting, where we acknowledge that we might not be perfect, but we’re good enough for the “job”.

In being a good enough parent, we will have to be vigilant in managing behaviours, communicating emotions and encouraging our children. We need to stop talking and start listening to our children occasionally. We must be mindful that choice and respect are essential in building a relationship with our children.

MANAGING BEHAVIOURS

Misbehaviour is basically a reflection of a child’s intentions. The child might just be seeking your attention. Conversely, they are a form of expressing frustrations and anger – whether it be due to a failed task or just wanting to get back at you. Misbehaviours may also be a form of power struggle, where a child is testing the limits of their independence from the parent.

When managing behaviours, it is always good practice to ignore bad behaviour while rewarding good behaviour with praises or tokens. Parents must stay calm at all times to avoid escalating anger. Stay clear of threats or even physical punishment.

COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR CHILD

It is best to keep things clear and concise. Use language that a child can understand, and it is a good idea to get the child to repeat back to you what has been said. Avoid sarcasm and criticism, and make sure that communication of emotions is consistent with your facial expression to avoid confusion.

An important part of the communication process with a child is the sharing of emotions. For example, share feelings with your child with sentences such as: “It’s okay to cry/feel sad”; “Mummy is upset with the mess you made”; “I feel proud you helped me tidy the living room”. The sharing process will help your child communicate emotions better, and it also allows you as a parent to express your love better to the child.

LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD

Listening to your child also entails spending time with your child doing the things he/she likes. Try and play with your child as often as you can. However, don’t take over proceedings – let the child lead the play. Play is a way children express their emotions, and it shows the way they see the world around them.

When communicating with your child, it’s a good idea to use reflective questions that can give you indications of what is going on. For example, say: “I’m not sure what makes you so grumpy today” rather than “Stop being so grumpy”. Prompts can also help with trying to make your child communicate his/her feelings. Try words such as: “You look so upset, is that what you feel right now?”

BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem is an important component of a healthy personality. Always give encouragement to your child. Be positive in your encouragement. Do not say “Can’t you do anything right?” Instead, use words like “Good try.” It will make a world of difference to your child’s self esteem.

You may want to give your child certain responsibilities to help with the household. When you do, be patient and let your child finish tasks. You can assist in the task but not take over it. Always have realistic expectations of the ability of your child and never compare your child with others; your child has his or her own strengths and needs

CHOICE AND RESPECT

Choice and respect in a relationship nurtures self-esteem and confidence. This is no different in children. Treat children with respect. This means you should respect their belongings and privacy, and not do things like throwing away their old toys without negotiating with them, or making promises you know you can’t keep.

A part of cultivating choice and respect also involves involving children in some decision making. This makes them feel wanted and also respected because their decisions do matter. But make them well aware that decisions should not be made lightly and without any thought: they have to be responsible for their decisions.

In essence, what we all should be mindful of is to build a secure attachment with our children in early childhood as this forms the foundation for trusting relationships in adulthood. Do not doubt that it is a two-way process, and one which requires tremendous amounts of patience, love and understanding from parents.

But in bringing a child into this world, we have to be mindful that children will react to our insecurities. Hence, building a solid relationship with your child from early childhood could ease the pains that you and your child may experience. You need not strive to be the perfect parent; being a good enough parent should suffice.

The most intensive and sensitive period of your child’s cognitive (mental) development is from early infancy to 10 years of age. She has two major goals: first, to understand symbols (like colours, pictures, letters in the alphabet and numbers) and second, to understand relative quantity (that one thing is more or less than another). Successfully attaining these goals is the foundation for acquiring more sophisticated skills like speaking, reading, maths, art and music.

Your child will learn by watching others, listening, playing and experimenting. When very young, even putting toys in her mouth or throwing them about will teach her a thing or two. But the older she grows, the more you need to participate in her learning process.

Good language skills are vital for communicating with others. However, they are also part of general learning and are believed to help prevent behavioural problems later on.

The period for developing language skills is between nine months and 7 years. After that, it becomes more difficult. So, be sure to constantly talk to your child and make an effort to tell her children’s stories, rhymes and poems. These activities will help her develop an appreciation for spoken language. Having older children re-tell the stories, rhymes and poems enable them to practise listening and memory skills.

Using appropriate reading aids (like books), such language activities will help your child understand that written words represent language. Simple reading skills you can teach her include recognising letters of the alphabet and their sounds, her written name and a limited number of written words.

Math activities help your child understand that numbers represent sets of objects. Teach your child to count while exploring the concepts of less, more and the same.

Drawing is one of the most enjoyable ways to visually depict objects and ideas. From merely scrawling initially, your child will begin to explore colours, shapes and textures. In time, she will come to appreciate art by using various materials to create different forms.

Like art, music promotes a child’s well-rounded development. Introduce your child to music by singing to her and playing or moving to rhythms. These are simple activities, yet they are the beginnings for appreciating music.

LEARNING BY STAGES

Children are all different in what they can do and what interests them. However, they tend to develop by stages. Here are some ideas on how to maximise your child’s learning at each one.

By her second birthday, you will find your toddler becoming something of a ‘super helper’. She will want to get involved in the chores you do, thinking everything’s a game. Enjoy it and praise lavishly when she picks up toys or puts things in their places for you.

Constructive learning opportunities include sorting clothes by colour while saying the colour word many times. Also, show your toddler different uses for the same things, eg using a spoon for digging and eating.

At around age 3, she’ll transform into a ‘butterfly’, flitting about to make friends with adults and children, alike. Mostly using three to four word sentences, she has something to say about many things.

This is the time when true conversations begin with your little one. Use those moments to also act out and recite rhymes, sing counting songs and read favourite stories (letting your child fill in frequent words). Go on walks and look at bugs, sticks or interesting rocks. Talk about everything you see and explain how things change over time.

By her fourth birthday, the ‘questioner’ in your child will awaken. Prepare for the barrage of questions: “Will it grow? Where does it go? How come? Can I see? Where can we go? How does it work? Why? Why? Why?” She now speaks in longer sentences, uses “I” correctly, knows her full name and those of everyone in your family, and lots more.

So competent, she loves feeling in control. So, let her make choices (like what book to read or TV programme to watch), join her in any kind of arts and crafts, and say silly things, only to let her catch your mistakes. Also, talk about feelings a lot – hers and yours.

When your child enters pre-school, she will be ready for the challenges of complicated toys, books and adventures. In time, she can confidently identify basic colours and basic shapes; count from memory; express complicated ideas; make up wonderful stories (sometimes confusing make-believe with the truth); and speak clearly, except for some hard-topronounce sounds.

You will be amazed at how much your child has learned and accomplished in so little time. Your little ‘expert’ will certainly remind you of her accomplishments. However, she still needs you to help her along with activities like having her act out made-up stories with mom and dad as audience and providing times to spend with other children the same age. Since your child is just starting to reason things out, be patient and accept the notions she insists are right, however strange they may be.

By the time your child enters primary school, she is an independent person. Keep talking with her and she will keep sharing her experiences with you – what she learns, how she’s doing in school, the friends she’s made, her ideas about things and her feelings.

Once you made yourself a part of her growing up; now she makes you part of her life. This is one of the greatest privileges and rewards of positive parenting.

While discerning parents are aware of the importance of preschool education and will not hesitate to give their child the best, many misunderstand what “best” really means in the first place.

In this issue’s PP Feature, we talk to Prof Dr Chiam Heng Keng, President of Association of Professional Early Childhood Educators, Malaysia; Jayawathi Perera, President of Kindergarten Association of Malaysia; and Eveleen Ling, advisor to Kindergarten Association of Malaysia on how they define a quality preschool education and what you can do – from selecting a preschool to preparing your little one – to ensure a wonderful first year for both you and your child.

So what is a quality preschool education? This may surprise you but the answer is simple: one that benefits your child. And a preschool can only benefit your child if it provides what he needs to learn at each stage of his development, not what the teachers or parents think he should know.

A quality preschool education is developmentally appropriate

The development of a child is a complex process that encompasses language and communication; cognitive development; socioemotional development; the development of critical thinking skills; physical development; moral and spiritual growth; and aesthetic and creativity. Each child, despite the similarity in age, develops at a different rate.What benefits one child may not benefit another.

It is therefore, extremely important that the approaches, activities and materials used are developmentally appropriate to each child. For instance, a child who has not mastered his fine motor skills should be given pre-writing exercises like playing with plasticine or colouring instead of being made to sit down and write pages and pages of ABCs.

A quality preschool education is holistic

Many parents tend to focus on the cognitive development of their child. They want their child to be able to think logically, learn quickly and solve problems at an early age. They want their child to be “smart”.

A quality preschool education addresses that and more. It looks at the child’s total development which covers his language and communication skills, socio-emotional development, physical development, creativity and aesthetics skills and his moral and spiritual growth.

A quality preschool education centres round play

Play is the universal language of children. Through play, they learn to construct knowledge, develop a consciousness of self and of others and handle their emotions. They learn shapes and sizes, actions and consequences, winning and losing. They are exposed to a myriad of sensory experiences that aid their intellectual development.

A quality preschool education takes an integrated approach

For a child to be interested in learning, he must find it relevant to everyday life and not just confined to the classroom. Based on this principle, the integrated approach involves various aspects of development into each activity for a more meaningful learning experience.

For instance, a child is asked to imagine going for a walk in the park and then to draw what he sees. To do this, he needs to exercise his cognitive skills and creativity to paint a picture in his mind, fine motor skills to draw the flowers and trees he visualises and language skills to communicate to the teacher what he has drawn.